TQQ: Walter Bishop!

Walter:  Well, considering I had to shoot Olivia in the face to thwart my old friend Belly’s complete obliteration of two universes, I’d say it’s gotten off to a bumpy start.   But, in the overtly metaphorical spirit of rebirth that the season of the vernal equinox is famous for, I’m going to be a grandfather!!  <Walter smiles ear to ear. He then grows somber>. Thank goodness Aspirin is alright…

Walter:  No, no!  Not Aspirin, you thick-headed buffoon!  Astros…my lovely FBI assistant!

Walter:  Yes, That’s what I said!  Aphid!

Walter:  Perhaps there is a silver lining to finding one’s self in the grip of utter madness: you don’t need to waste money on mind altering hallucinogens.  You might think I’m talking about the all natural substitution of  <Walter air quotes> “delusions of the unhinged mind”, <He points emphatically to the audience> but I’m NOT!  After all I’ve seen and done, THAT is a darker place all together, and one I’d not care to visit again.  No, what I refer to are all the colorful gel-capped cocktails provided to me by the state during my stay at St. Claire’s.  <He sits back calmer in his chair and looks at the host> At times they would even strap me to the bed and pour the good stuff straight down my gullet.  It was like college all over again!

Walter:  At first I didn’t much care for him, but I now admit that most of that was due to transference.  I was simply projecting my own self hatred onto my doppleganger.   Like screaming at the mirror. Turns out he is an honorable man.  I’m afraid I’ve given him no reason to feel the same way about me.  It seems, as a species, we’re programmed to hate those on opposite sides for no other reason than the blinding thought that OUR ideas are the only truth.

Walter:  He’s a big fan of hockey.  Yes.  He loves the Mighty Ducks!

Walter:  We like to poke fun at this one little awkward smile she uses from time to time.  It has so many meanings.  Uncomfortable, uncertain, et cetera.  We call it the “I really need to pee” smile behind her back, since that’s what it resembles.  I attribute it to the confused and guarded emotions the poor girl must have developed growing up with Nina.  Ever see THAT woman’s grin?  Sometimes you can’t tell whether she’s happy or full of hate and resentment.  <Walter chuckles upon remembering another Dunham blooper>  I seem to recall a different instance where Olivia used the lab’s chalk board to help me sketch out a crime scene.  A few minutes later she walked away with white hand prints on her hind-quarters. She must’ve had an itch.  No one had the heart to tell her (plus this must have given Peter an excuse to stare).   We all thought it was rather cute and endearing.  When we saw the same prints the following day, it went from humorous to kind of gross.  It’s true that sometimes driven people put hygiene second.

Walter:  I find the theory paradoxical and exhausting.  Perhaps it would serve you better to ask September.  Soon we shall find out the true answer, for better or…well…I’m betting on worse.

Walter:  Put all stock in Massive Dynamic!  I’ve suggested to Nina that we go public, expand, and open up jobs to the general population; though I’m not certain of how receptive she was due to the way her unnaturally taut skin hinders any discernible facial expression.  But, if all else fails, ask the Observers.  They’re our proverbial Marty McFly bringing the almanac back in the Delorean.

Walter:  No, sir.  I have merely played the hand that God has given me.  And when I didn’t like that one, I pulled an identical deck from the sleeve of my lab coat.

Walter:  Come now!  Is that a rhetorical question, you dolt?

Walter:  Led Zeppelin III.  Although Immigrant Song obviously has it’s Nordic overtures, I dub it as Peter’s theme.  He is, by all rights, an immigrant to this world.  The song also kicks your ass when your high on the sticky stuff from the government’s personal garden.

Walter:  It was, of course, the timeline being rewritten, effectively bringing my son back to me.   <Walter stops and stares in to space, mulling over a thought> Not quite.  That was but the antecedent.  The true gift was that he chose to stay with me at the crucial moment when we had to shut down the bridge between universes.  It was as if Ed McMahon showed  up to my door with a lifetime supply of cherry licorice strings!